Da Bills

Those of you that know me, know that I am a huge Buffalo Bills' fan. It isn't my fault really. I didn't choose this life (after four straight Super Bowl losses...who would?) but rather it was forced upon me from an early age. I recall Sunday afternoons as a child when-at the ripe old age of 5- my mother informed me that on Sundays, I was only allowed to color with red, white, and blue crayons. I'm not even kidding. She referenced the concept of "good luck" to rationalize this. So there I sat, in front of the TV with my family cheering, happily coloring blue puppies and red kitties (let's be honest...having a WHITE crayon is about as useful as having no crayon at all). But now that I am older and a freethinking adult, I understand EXACTLY WHAT SHE MEANT. And if I ever have a child, Lord knows, that child won't even look at a purple crayon on a Sunday we play the Vikings. Please keep this in mind if we're ever having a conversation. Should the subject of NFL football come up, and you mention anything regarding the Buffalo Bills, choose your words carefully. Do not choose, for example, the words "wide" and "right" lest your mother be forced to bury you WITHOUT A FACE. Yes, I just implied I would bite your face off. And yes, I mean it.

For those of you aware of important things in history, you know the Bills recently signed Terrell Owens (aka- TO). For those of you who are ignorant and/or borderline retarded and don't know, TO is a fantastic player who has done a few interesting things in the past. He's been accused of having a poor attitude, bringing down the morale of the team, being a "cancer" in the locker room. For the record, my official stance on the signing of TO is positive. I have always said (and you can ask anybody) that I would take an entire team of players with horrible horrible attitudes if they were the superior player. Why? Because I'm crazy/genius. And to be honest, I want a passionate player. I want a player who, when he gets pissed off at his cheating girlfriend, tries to chop her head off with a tablesaw and winds up spending a little time in the slammer. THAT'S PASSION! I want my player beating people up, bringing guns EVERYWHERE (I mean, I would) and openly taunting players on both the opposing team and his own. THAT'S CONFIDENCE. I mean, it's all in how you interpret it.