In keeping with the season...

So, I like to make up words a lot. A large percentage of my made-up words are not in fact totally made-up, but are forms of English words that are completely incorrect or used incorrectly (by a normal person's standards). Here's an example, I really like to use the verb "to marinate" to describe that ritual I do every morning, wherein I wake up much earlier than necessary just so I can sit around and eat waffles and watch TV before I need to actually accomplish anything. This is "marinating". I am spending time preparing myself for being productive, much like your beef tenderloin sits and waits in a pool of red wine, garlic etc in preparation for you to eat it like a veritable caveman, behaving precisely like the fucking gluttonous pig you are (no offense).

My favorite word to use, however, is "Jesusy". Jesusy is an adjective that is based, of course, on THE Jesus (AKA your LORD and SAVIOUR, amen). There are a few instances in which a person can be described as being Jesusy, according to me.

1) When a person is totally fucking religious as crap.

ex.) My mother is so Jesusy, that she goes to church on both Christmas Eve, AND Christmas Day.

An interesting question was raised by my dear friend who happens to be Jewish. I was explaining to him the term Jesusy, and he asked whether it was possible that he could be described as Jesusy as well if he happened to be a very devout follower of Judaism. I decided that yes, I see no reason to preclude him or any other Jewish person from this particular adjective as long as they meet the requirement of being extremely religious. Never mind that his people murdered and tortured the namesake, fair is fair.

ex.) Man, he is so damn Jesusy that he wouldn't be caught dead without his bekishe on Shabbos!


There is a second instance where Jesusy can be used.

2) When someone does something for another person or group of people, from which they personally gain nothing of actual value (obviously, satisfaction with self doesn't count here...I'm talking money...like I said, ACTUAL value).

ex.) I'm feeling really Jesusy today because I just helped an old woman across the street.

ex.) It was super Jesusy of you to donate cans of food to the homeless, I'm sorry I ate the corn!

So obviously, most acts of charity are Jesusy, unless your intention in doing them somehow involves a tax write-off.


**It is important to note that if you are somehow able to turn water into wine as did the real Jesus this is not, ironically, Jesusy as it does not fit either of the aforementioned definitions.

Happy Holidays!