I'd like to make a statement

So, I'm applying to law schools.

Law schools accept something called "diversity statements" which are described, on one website, like so:
Many schools will ask you whether you are a member of an ethnic minority, economically disadvantaged, or otherwise feel that you have overcome any adversity which may affect the admissions decision. You should take advantage of this opportunity to tell them about your socioeconomic and demographic diversity as compared to the rest of the applicant pool. You might want to tell them of coming from a blue-collar background, of a rural or urban lifestyle, or of a particular physical or emotional problem (including a learning disability) you have overcome.

I present to you one of the diversity statements I have prepared.

“Are you a model?” This phrase would oft pierce my ears (figuratively…they were literally pierced as an infant on my way to the Miss Baby World Galaxy competition) whenever I walked into a room. No, I was not a model. I was simply cursed with a beautifully symmetrical face. My lips are full and luscious like that of a five year old with a severe peanut allergy who bravely puts his mouth to a Snickers bar. My ass, for lack of a better term, won’t quit, not even when I politely ask it to. Some people foolishly believe that I’m lucky to possess the beauty of Helen in the body of Heidi. But what few people besides Ms. Klum and I understand is that people like us are constantly looked down upon. Albeit, only by women who frequent “the Walmart’s” and who are missing over 60% of their natural teeth.
Growing up I faced a considerable amount of challenges. When, in Middle School, it was time to send Valentine’s Day carnations to “that special someone” I would often receive so many of the flowers that I would sneeze uncontrollably the entire day. As you can imagine, this is hardly becoming! In High School it would only get worse. After all, how many prom dates can a girl turn down before she feels a tinge of guilt? I went on to college only to find that it was hardly a more welcoming place for the aesthetically gifted. My classmates would often mistake me for someone famous and steal my tests in hopes of garnering a coveted autograph. I didn’t attend my graduation for fear that the identical gowns worn by myself and the other women would call even more attention to the perfection of my face.
I now move ahead to pursue a career in law, knowing that my struggles will continue-if not intensify. Upon a perusal of the numerous law school brochures that I have collected, I noticed but one unifying theme: law students are ugly. Not only are they ugly, but they are among the ugliest of all post-graduate degree seekers. I know that I will undoubtedly get noticed and called cruel and vicious names like “gorgeous” and “sexy”- the very thought of which make me shudder. I have every confidence that I will face this struggle and persevere as I always have-with my head held high…or at least as high as my three foot tiara allows while still giving me the clearance to enter a room.

Moral Acceptability

<---this is what I look like when I encounter something which I find morally acceptable.

I recently blogged about those things to which I am morally opposed. I feel it necessary that I now offer a list of those things which I find morally acceptable.

Things I find morally acceptable:

1) lesbians

2) flavo(u)red water

3) diet wild cherry pepsi

4) bald eagles

5) guns that are so big that their effectiveness is actually lessened by their huge size (also, penises of the same description)

6) tapdancing

7) punching

8) not-recycling

9) cigars

10) Tony Blair